RPattz is allergic to vagina. The sky is also blue.

If we compiled an encyclopedia of the stupid shit that celebrities say to try and sound like they're different and set themselves apart, it would probably be bigger than the ACTUAL encyclopedia. I'm continuously baffled by what comes out of the mouths of these people when they know it's going to end up in print. In a magazine. Or they get talked in to posing with a nude model because it's EDGY and it makes them look bad-ass. My first example of this is a quote from RPattz from his Details cover article (where he also poses with nude chicks).

“I really hate vaginas. I’m allergic to vaginas. But I can’t say I had no idea, because it was a 12-hour shoot , so you kind of get the picture that these women are going to stay naked after, like, five or six hours…Thank God I was hungover.”

I mean, really, did this asshole just come out of the closet in the most unobtrusive way possible? What does it mean to be allergic to vagina? AND on what planet did he think it was a good idea to say this when 88% of the teenage population would like him in the general vicinity of their vaginas? I, personally, would like to see physical evidence of this statement. Like, hives.

Have male celebrities lost their minds this week? Robert Pattinson is allergic to vagina and apparently John Mayer's dick has a mind of it's own. A racist mind of it's own, if we're going to believe what he spews out. It's like, these people think that saying something like this is going to make people think they're witty? Different? Edgy? WHAT exactly are they trying to do. All I do is read this quote and it pretty much cements this idea in my mind that Pattinson is a dumbass with no social skills. This guy continuously comes off pretentious as hell or just stupid. In this case, stupid wins out over pretentious.

And why is it that when a guy does an interview for a mens magazine they feel the need to suddenly act like a man? For instance, Zac Efron, who has probably done a million interviews since his fame blew up and always comes across well spoken and educated gets on the cover of GQ magazine and is suddenly dropping the f-bomb and saying everything is bullshit. (Oh, and this guy did the nude chick photoshoot, too. I'm keeping track of this shit, boys.)

"If somebody can find any photo that shows me wearing false eyelashes," he says, "I will give them a fucking million dollars. That's bullshit."

Pause.

"You know what, dude? A couple of times, when I was young, and I didn't know what the fuck I was doing—it's just what happens. Somebody's there, and it's their job. And they load you up with makeup. They don't do the girlie thing, but they, y'know, cover your zits. It didn't come from a self-conscious place—it was just what everyone did. And since then, people just constantly think I'm wearing makeup. It's a recurring theme. But fuck, man. I have never worn false eyelashes in my entire life."

It's a classic case of trying too hard. These guys get locked into this heartthrob persona and suddenly they'll do anything to break out. Pose with nude models, sleep with every girl they meet, say stupid crap in the pages of a magazine, and start dropping f-bombs. Not that I have a problem with the word fuck. It's a good word, when you're not trying to prove how bad-ass you are.

Lastly, correct me if I'm wrong, but I can't imagine anyone really gives a shit about who has slept with who in Hollywood (unless, of course, you're cheating on your wife). One of the things about men in Hollywood (and some women, I'm looking at you Megan Fox) that makes me want to throw up in my mouth a little is when they talk about their sex lives. In detail. I don't want to know how good Jessica Simpson or Jennifer Aniston are or are not. Frankly, it makes you less sexually desirable as a male. Does anyone remember when Justin Timberlake talked about having oral sex with Britney Spears on the radio? We all thought he was a douchebag for a good year after that and then he came out with a decent album and sort of made us forget. Now, we've got John Mayer to focus on.

That girl, for me, is a drug. And drugs aren't good for you if you do lots of them. Yeah, that girl is like crack cocaine to me... Sexually it was crazy. That's all I'll say. It was like napalm, sexual napalm...

There are people in the world who have the power to change our values. Have you ever been with a girl who made you want to quit the rest of your life? Did you ever say, "I want to quit my life and just fuckin' snort you? If you charged me $10,000 to fuck you, I would start selling all my shit just to keep fucking you."

Ew. Just ew. I don't want to think of Jessica Simpson perspiring, let alone having sex with John Mayer, that's just a mental picture that doesn't need to be situated in my mind ever. Not to mention, he just came out with an album so it's going to be another two years before we FORGET that this took place. I'm trying to Clorox my brain but it's not working and I might sue this little bitch for damages.

So, we've got three separate offenses here that male celebrities always seem to fall into at some point in their career. Brad Pitt did it. Leo DeCaprio did it. But I have to wonder if they'll ever learn. I'm not saying you need to cater to your female audience for the rest of your life, in fact we want you to grow up and be more of a man, because we're growing up. But trying too hard is an awesome way to lose respect of both the male and female audience. The intelligent people in this world can see through it, and aren't those the fans you want, rather than being stuck with the twitards that worship you even when you talk about how they all need to lose about 100 pounds and find real boyfriends that don't sparkle?

Get it together boys. Try and be real men without the vaginas, racist dicks, and f-bombs.